longest cycle EVER!

MARCH 16th was cd1 for me… it is now april 19th and we have not yet done the deed.

summary of drugs from hell
i have done 7 days of aygestin, 22 days of lupron, at which time i was switched off the lupron on to ganerelix (cause i thought i was going to DIE! i had the worst headaches of my life – and i am a regular migraine sufferer, so i ain’t no slouch when it come to tolerating headaches, plus i had horrible bouts of the runs – we’re talking lasting several days at a time). i have also been on estrogen patches every three days since since april 4th.

why do we think we can PLAN these things?
partly the delay/length of this IVF cycle is my insanity of not wanting to chance the possibility of the transfer needing to happen during the big week of meetings that i just finished producing on friday (there was a conference for 200 the week of april 13th and a much smaller conference for 50 on april 28th and 29th) – yes, these are for the job that laid me off starting may 1st. WHY did i even CARE??

I asked my doc to delay the start of things by a week or so because i didn’t want to chance the transfer falling during the weeks i had to produce the meetings – we were aiming to have things hit in the free week BETWEEN the two sets of meetings… then dakota didn’t start her cycle when we thought she would so that delayed things… then when she did start her follicles have not progressed at the same rate they did the last time and so we are a bit more delayed and now instead of all the action – her retrieval and the transfer to me – happening in the week between my two weeks of producing, the action will likely run over in to the final week of meetings… and you know what I DON’T CARE! i mean, i do care about the fact that i have WAY TOO MANY drugs in me at the moment, but i don’t care anymore if they hit at a bad time… what are they gonna do? fire me??!

a taste of my week
i had an episode this week where a very tense conversation was happening between the manager of the venue i was using for our meetings and the owner of the catering company i hired. catering company had broken a big rule at the venue… venue gal was WAY over crazed about it and she had a melt down and stormed out with her eyes all welled up like she was going to cry. as soon as the door closed behind her, and it was just me and the catering lady left in the room, i BURST into tears… and I COULD NOT STOP crying. it was so embarassing, luckily she is a nice lady and she thought it was about how hard my week had been and the mistakes her catering team had made and how it added to my stress… but we all know different 😉 i was then laughing and sobbing and wiping the tears from my eyes as the just kept coming and i told her as crazy as the week had been, and as unexpectedly intense and disturbing as the venue lady’s melt down had been, that the tears were more from one YEAR of infertility treatments and the amount of hormones in my system making it so that once i teared up in empathy for venue gal’s teary eyes, i couldn’t stop crying. she laughed and hugged me and i think SORT OF believed me.

boy am i glad that week is OVER!

a reprise on the theme of lupron
in case you didn’t gather from above, lupron is evil! i am VERY happy for my dear friend over at inlocoparentis who sailed through lupron with out a scratch. yes, i mean that… no sarcasm should be attributed to that comment… cause she’s my bud… for me there is not way that i will EVER take that drug again. it was like someone took a large brick to the back of my head, repeatedly. not to mention levels of gastronomic distress that i have not seen since i went gluten-free after my celiac diagnosis 6 years ago. just plain awful… like a 24hour a day pass to the loo.

enough rambling from me…

what is coming next, and what your REALLY tuned in to our program to find out
we go in monday for blood and u/s… to check that my lining is still good and ready for transfer in about a week from monday. and to check on dakota’s follicles… looked like there were about 7 again this round (that is how many she had last retrieval in september. they think that she will be ready for the retrieval on wednesday.

xxoo mulberry


11 Responses

  1. Drug induced crying at work. I have so been there. Your lupron experience sounds horrible. I am so glad that you are off that now.
    Wow what a big week you both have ahead of you! I am crossing my fingers.

  2. Ugh, crying at work is the worst. I’ve done that before. So sorry. Wishing you much luck as always.

  3. I hate that Lupron was so horrible for you. It’s amazing how different people’s experiences can be with the same drugs. I have learned the hard way that you just can’t generalize TTC stuff. As lousy as it all is, I feel very blessed that we’re going through this together. Much love.

  4. Wow! It’s great to hear from you. It looks like you’ve had your hands full, poor thing. Good luck on Monday. I’ll be tuning in to hear how things progress. xo

  5. It is great to hear from you! I am so sorry you have been feeling so terrible. And crying it work is always awful. I am excited to hear how things go this week. My fingers are double crossed for the transfer. Hopefully we can see you both soon. We MISS you!!

  6. Lupron IA evil, it made me sooooo angry it was awful. I lost the ability to empathize and was a wreck. Ganirelix was such a welcome change.

    Much love to you hun,I wish I could give ya a big hug and sit with ice cream and cookies a chat through your bad moments.


  7. Hey, lots of love! I’m so out of the loop, I don’t know which Monday is which, but today is a Monday, and I’m reading and getting caught up, and I am sending you lots of love for scans and transfers and babies! xo

  8. Oh I’m really looking forward to Lupron! (insert sarcastic laughter) It sounds like this has been a challenging cycle and I’m sorry you’ve had such a hard time with the evil drugs. But, this is Monday….so in a week you only have to sit back and wait (again!). Good luck with the retrieval this week!

  9. i got to the same point, trying to schedule IVF and work commitments. i think the drugs definitely assist in getting to that “I dont care” place!

    hope everything looked good at the appointment this morning!

  10. Whoa, you have been going through a hell of a time. Lot of hugs.

    I hate, hate, hate crying at work or in public in general. Sorry you had to go through that. I’m glad your big conference is over; hopefully the smaller one will feel like a breeze, comparatively.

    I can’t wait to hear how the appointment went!

  11. Whoa– don’t know how I missed this post!

    I didn’t realize where you were at in all of this… you are right– that IS one long cycle!!! But its very exciting that you are getting closer and closer. Oh, and hope and wish and all things in between that this is it for you….

    And as for work, too bad on them. As I often remind myself– if I was straight I would not let work dictate my reproduction. Just because I am not, (and trying to get pg involves the illusion of being able to control things) I should not feel any guilt or Anything like that… and so I extend the same logic over to you… You do what you need to do and feel absolutely no guilt, my friend…

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