i was laid off yesterday… ouch!

in the world of lay offs, it was a good one. i can stay through may 1st to produce the big round of meetings we have coming up (or leave if i wanted). they are giving a 6 week severance and allowing me to keep my company owned laptop. i am one of 7 being laid off, taking our # of employees from 12 down to a team of 5. the two partners and 3 others.

it was not totally unexpected, and the severance safety net and advance warning (8 weeks before last day) were much more than i expected we would get, if and when the time came for lay offs…

and yet, it sucks! i have been with this company for 5 years, and until the reorg in october (if you are interested, there is at least one scathing post in late october on the details of that dark time) i LOVED my job.

i have no idea what i want to do, have barely ever interviewed (this job for 5 years, the last one for 12) and walked away from college one semester away from graduating to become a political activist/community organizer. most of the time i don’t care about the degree… but resume time, i care!

truly, in this moment it is the knowledge that we NEED my insurance that is stinging the most… cobra?



20, 13, 10, 5 what a numbers game this all is…

hello all…

we are at 2 days post retrieval and here’s what we have at this stage in the game…
5 fertilized embryos

what started as just short of 20 follicles went to 13 eggs retrieved, to 10 mature eggs in the batch, to 5 fertilizing.

we wait to see tomorrow how many make it to the freezing…

in the mean time, i am bloated and have the worst case of constipation EVER i was up most the night with the discomfort – and now am drinking metamucil like crazy. dakota is the one with the hope and enthusiasm this cycle. i sit and watch as she bursts with smiles and potential… thank goodness for dakota. i just don’t have it in me this cycle. i worry that we will have (what seems like) so few embryos in the cupboard for the future/backup – i sure don’t want to have to do this again!. i know that 5 is pretty good, but when you un-freeze them you never know how many will survive that… well, as i said… dakota holds the hope at the moment, so don’t listen to me 😉

Delightfully Inappropriate

Mulberry is lying in bed recouping from the retrieval, ice cream and gat.orade so I, Dakota, am again guest blogging.  At the risk of burying the headline let me first proclaim there were 13 eggs retrieved!   We won’t know until tomorrow how many are mature nor will we know for a few days how many fertilized.

My beloved spent a good part of yesterday and this morning concerned that she may burst/ovulate before the procedure.  It did not help that the anesthesiologist was late — climbed off his motorcycle  smiling, unapologetic, checking his blackberry and started his part of the job late late late.  This did not encourage sweet mulberry’s state of mind, but the doctor we love grumbled that he is one of the best in the business (and knows it) so his bad boy behavior is tolerated.  Mulberry was out for the count on the second poke so to speak, (deep veins sometime require several tries) so bad boy is all right with me.

Did I mention there were 13 EGGS?!  Before we left her office, our doctor happily noted that mulberry has exhibited inappropriate behavior for ovaries of her — eh hem — age.  Inappropriate as in unexpected, unpredicted.   As in seeing your high school english teacher  after class in the school parking lot looking really really good in cut offs and a muscle t-shirt which reads “Question Authority.”   Mmmm inappropriate.  Makes sense.   I have never known  the lovely freespririted/neosocialist leaning/community organizing/independent/multitasking/problemsolving/artistic mulberry to willingly conform to prescribed appropriate behavior so why start now.

Did I mention 13 eggs? With the ear to ear grin we are sending you all love and thanks for the positives you sent our way…


20… can you believe it?

well, the retrieval is tomorrow (friday) morning and it looks like there are about *20* follicles percolating in there. oh boy!

i feel like the biggest wuss… i am SO nauseous and have had a migraine more days than not in the last week. i am super tired and yet don’t sleep well, i have a foggy head and am bloated like crazy. i can’t *wait* for them to take the eggs out of me so my levels will go back to normal… scared what it will be like when i am actually *pregnant*.

hormones suck!


hello friends… i’ve been quiet on the outside, but busy and chewy on the inside…
we have a new plan, and it is well underway…

at the last minute we decided to add dakota to my new health insurance that started jan 1st. costly, and not a financially feasible plan for the long term, but woo hoo in the short term.

we have BOTH been approved for IVF. no day3 bloods, no 10 days of waiting for them to say no, no, no and no.

we are back to our earlier plan – yay!!

i am going in on wednesday for the final check before the egg retrieval – yep, i am all hopped up on gonal f and gonarelix and have somewhere around 10 follicles a-growin’ in there. i am most likely going in friday for the great pillage, and we will see what kind of embryos we can get out of them. we will freeze those puppies and be on to step 2.

step 2 is for dakota to pump full of gonal f next cycle, have me suppress ovulation and build a good thick lining and then we will harvest dakota’s eggs and do a fresh embryo transfer to me (and freeze any of her remaining embryos).

for any of you who have been reading my blog for awhile, you will recognize this plan, it was our original plan before the insurance nimrods derailed it… we really want to start with dakota’s embryo and see if i can get pregnant that way. we are doing the harvest for my eggs as well because we want a plan for baby #2 or at least a back up for baby #1 and we know that i make lots of follicles when drugged – at least so far – and we want to take advantage of that while i STILL AM making all these follicles… we’re afraid that if i were to get pregnant with dakota’s embryo (very good news of course) once we were ready to try for #2, neither of us might be able to produce the eggs needed. i am, at least, pushing the limits of age here 😉

it is exciting… though i have to say it is weird to keep remembering that there will be no 2ww this cycle, though as dakota pointed out, there will be a 3 day or 5 day wait to see if any of the eggs fertilize and if the embryos grow well. so send us good snow baby vibes…

and i am sure that i will not miss the 2ww all that much… of course, it is possible that i will just obsess till i get her embryos in me and turn this from a 2ww to a 2 month wait 😉

ps – the super bummer is timing… i was going to be flying to visit and old friend of mine at the crack of dawn on saturday AND, since my friend lives near lizzie (of two chicks in pursuit of a babe), i was going to get to spend some quality time with lizzie too! super bummed that i had to postpone 😦