i’m not…

it sucks…


so here is how it went…

the doctor arrived quite late – he then had to face at least 10 pissed off women – (we, luckily had been alerted the night before that he was coming an hour later than the 9am we had been told, so we were only kept waiting the additional 15 minutes he came past 10am.)

the goods

the goods

can you BELIEVE the name of this thing?? all i could do to not have terminator scenes flashing though my mind ;)

can you BELIEVE the name of this thing?? it was all i could do to not have terminator scenes flashing though my mind 😉

for some reason that i have not yet been able to figure out, the conversation DURING the insemination started out with battle/soldier imagery as our doc described sperm and why our count #s were not all that relevant in and of themselves… it matters more if the soldiers are many but with clubs vs the better fewer with machine guns – just the kind of thing to calm a pacifist like myself (this all because we asked if the volume of .4 down after the wash from .7 was going to be a problem – he says those are not bad#s for frozen sperm, and the motility was great at 90%)… but not to worry, the conversation soon shifted to the *pope*?! someone cracked some kind of pope joke and then it was on to how awful the current pope is and whether or not pope paul had been a decent guy or not, there was disagreement in the room between the tech, the doc and dakota until i said, ”really, are we talking about the POPE right now??” it did keep the doc who was doing the insem – we call him ”dr i love me” – from talking about *himself* which was where he was headed before the pope topic took off… fascinating, huh?

and finally…


in my pocket, helping me keep spirits up and hope alive.

by the time i got home from the doctor’s office, a full blown cold had taken over and i have been surrounded by a sea of snotty tissues ever since.

doin’ it tomorrow, 9am

got good hormone level report on wednesday evening… and the follicles were about 14.5, 15.5 and 18ish. doc had me do one more night of gonal f and triggered last night at 8pm.

doin’ the iui deed tomorrow, saturday, morning at about 9am.

i have hope in my pocket…

… and, if this iui doesn’t take, we’ve got ivf (fishing for dakota’s eggs to make us some embryos for my oven) next on the docket – and ALREADY APPROVED through my new oxford insurance 😉

well, dakota says…

– we should believe it’s approved when they give us the authorization… oh wait, ghi DID give us an authorization on the first one before they later told us it was DENIED

– we should believe it is approved after the insurance PAYS for it… oh wait, ghi DID pay for it before the told us that was a mistake and they would be taking that money back.

– well, she plain doesn’t believe it’s really approved, but we will go forward anyway 😉

so much has happened since my last post…

* we got an ivf approved for dakota
– this comes after the final denial on gh*i
– then we add dakota to my new insurance ox*ford
– then our office submited to ox*ford and they ACTUALLY APPROVED the ivf (and the approval is good for several months so we can use it when we are ready and not have to resubmit bloods etc.)

* it looks like we are going to be doing an iui with me in the next few days
– my doc put me on 75 of gonal f this cycle (after past cycles were higher dosage that produced TOO many follicles too quickly.)
– after several visits where my estrogen appeared to be dropping and after initial good growth, my follicles seemed now to be shrinking or at least not growing.
– it was looking like things were over – this cycle a complete BUST – the doc had me up the dose to 112.5 and hope for the best.
– next visit, the nurse said it looked bad (follicles seemed not to be growing), but the blood work came back showing that my estrogen had gone up nicely, so i am still in the running.

* i finally started back at the acupuncturist
– dakota has been begging me to go back, and with all the chaos and appointments and stress… i didn’t feel like i could deal with ONE MORE APPOINTMENT.
– i finally gave in, she is right, and went to first appointment in many many months 🙂 i am going back again today.

* i have been feeling overwhelmed with all the TTC and have not been in the mood to post, and sometimes not even to comment.
– i need to find some other things to do! fixating on this has been making me CRAZY.
– looking for distractions! spontaneous invitation to a retro showing of 9 to 5 at the chelsea cinema was a good start… (thanks babypants)

* i am trying to reconnect with hope