sideways

we are moving along… but i swear it feels like the elevator is going sideways, the doors keep opening on a new place, but no where *nearer* to our destination! [sideways elevator image courtesy of dakota’s dream this morning – it just popped into my head when i sat down to write]

so far this cycle, i have done two nights of gonal f shots… will keep this up till tuesday when i go in to check on follicle growth. we have decided to do another iui for me… we got a *final denial* from ghi for ivf for dakota ๐Ÿ˜ฆ we then made moves to put her on to *my* new insurance in hopes that next cycle, when we apply for ivf for her, *they* will say yes. i am not in the mood to hazard to even qualify that with the – assuming i don’t get pregnant on this iui – talk today.

don’t know why for sure, but i have been having a hard time writing lately. i still read and comment on other blogs, but i am feeling a bit worn down ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

screw the elevator – i wish someone would just show me where the stairs are. i am ready to just get there already!!

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15 Responses

  1. Seriously where are the stairs? I’m glad your sideways elevator is moving though. Just think of it like a train, that’s even faster than an elevator. I’m always happy to see your posts but I understand the worn down feeling. Sometimes it’s just hard to post. Still sending you love, though!

  2. hugs friends, I wish you the best of luck with your up coming iui. Hang in there, the door to the stairs will open soon.

  3. if you find the stairs, will you share with us the location!? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    i understand the feeling. it seems we’ve been treading water for years, while everyone around us races by. it’s awful.

    sending you hugs.

  4. Sideways elevators always remind me of Willy Wonka.

    I hope you get some peace. This whole process can really wear one down and it tends to come in cycles, like everything else.

    Much love to you both.

  5. Good to hear your words, even if they are words filled with frustration and pain. I love the sideways elevator metaphor–it is just perfect.
    At least we’re all here with you, right???

    hugs

  6. he he, I agree with tbean. This sideways elevator is getting awfully crowded. The company is good but the waiting is exhausting. THe bell rings and the door opens, yet always in the same plane.

    Here’s hoping that we all figure out haow to get to a new (and better) destination soon. I am so sorry that you are feeling exhausted. Sending you strength and comfort from afar.

  7. Sorry about the insurance saying no to ivf. I hope your iui gives you that BFP.

    It’s ok you don’t post alot. We know you are here for us and we are here for you.

    Good luck with your follicle check.

  8. You can always take the stairs up to our place. Not exactly where you want to be, but a possible pre-view.

    I’m convinced that insurance companies shoot themselves in the foot ALL THE TIME. Their goal should be to get you guys pregnant as soon as possible.

    Anyway, A and I say almost daily that we’d like to see you again, but we’re too tired to get our butts in gear to make it happen. I hope we can soon.

  9. I’m so sorry about all of this insurance nonsense. I have GHI, too, but it sounds like Dakota and I have different plans. Does she have the PPO? Does she work for the city. Should we have this conversation offline? I hope they yield and it works out!

  10. I’m with bleu – my first thought was of Willy Wonka and I wish you were in that elevator instead because it could go ANYWHERE, right??? ๐Ÿ™‚

    Insurance is a complete and total scam. So sorry it isn’t working for you as it should. I’m keeping everything crossed for this iui. May it bring you the BFP you so deserve so you can get off this crazy ride… or at least this stretch of it!

  11. I’m sorry you are on the sideways elevator. They should really label them better so you can just get onto the upward bound one without all this frustration! I cannot believe what a nightmare inusrance is! I know this is a completely obvious statement, but it is frustrating that they make decisions based on money and not medicine or anything else (I am dealing with this with my finger right now). I hope we are going to see you soon!! I miss you both!

  12. Sometimes it feels like an elevator going sideways up the empire state building. Ugh. I’m sorry that you’re feeling worn down and having to deal with the insurance jerks. I understand your frustration. I hope tomorrow goes well for you and that this IUI is your last.

    Much love to you both.

  13. i am so sorry about the IVF denial. on what grounds? it is utter bullshit. i just wrote good insurance news on my blog, but i don’t trust it. i don’t fully believe. it just feels like they are waiting around every corner to get us. ugh. fingers crossed for your IUI and total hope that this will take, and you will be puking and preggers when i see you in march. xo

  14. I am happy to see you back but sad to hear and see the frustration you are feeling. Its hard. Its so hard. And when you are battling insurance while just trying so hard to make things happen– well, its even harder.

    You are incredibly strong. And you and Dakota WILL be mums one day. And you just need to believe it because… I said so. And because its true. And while it doesn’t make right now any easier, when you have your little one, you will know why it took so darn long for them to arrive. LIke I said, it doesn’t make it easier, knowing that, but hopefully it does bring you some peace. because its true.

    BTW, we are headed your way in May to visit our babydaddies… If you are around maybe we can hook up… we never really go out when we are there, other than for dinner (and we always go to a show), because we don’t have any friends there… But if you guys are free maybe we can take advantage of our babysitting possibility and hook up! Just a thought…

  15. Like so many others I want to know where the stairs are too. I constantly feel like a junior high kid again always having to ask permission to do something as simple as use the restroom. Can I go here? Can I do this or that? Why is this not covered but that is? Will I get in trouble for having gum in my mouth? Do I have permission to digest the lunch I just ate or with that affect my coverage?

    I am so sorry you are facing these roadblocks but I know you will find a way around them. It is a test of edurance and we are all here to keep cheering you along.

    Love to you both.

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