Dakota on Homicidal Thinking

My beloved, mulberry, is feeling so bloated and well, so many things that I, Dakota, am guest blogging today about our progress.

Thank you all so much for your well wishes but I regret to report that there was no insemination due to incompetence.

We originally thought we would be doing this insemination next Tuesday, but mulberry’s body responded so well to the drugs  that our RE dialed back her dosage and told her to trigger on Friday because Saturday would be our day.  We realized on Friday that we were out of sperm and contacted the cryobank to overnight two samples by 9am.  By 930 am Saturday a delivery arrived from our cryobank addressed to our doctor with specimens which were NOT ours and  accompanying information identifying a patient not known to our doctor. We found out later the correct designation for this sperm delivery was a Boston doctor’s office.

We called the emergency contact at the cryobank who told us that the shipping company had made an error not them, and that our delivery was sitting in a holding area in another state awaiting Monday delivery.  This was a lie.  We found out later our delivery was in Boston and we had a Boston family’s samples.

After much deliberation our RE got the cryobank to agree to send another sample by 9am Sunday.   The new delivery arrived with the correct specimens but with the WRONG accompanying legal paperwork (the paperwork which indicates what was done to insure the samples were properly processed) so we were unable to proceed.

We called the emergency contact at the cryobank several times with no response.  He never called us back.  Had someone answered us, they could have faxed us the correct paperwork and we could have gone ahead with the procedure.  But a full hour and a half passed with no response from the bank and the procedure had to be cancelled.  In fact, they did not fax our RE until Monday morning after SHE called them again.

Both our RE and two embryologists have told us they are often disappointed with the sample quality they receive from the bank we used.  They are based in Georgia  and I am in the mood to name names — Xy.t.e.x screwed us over this cycle.  This incident has undermined our confidence that our samples are even what they say they are.  (This bank had one of the two donors of my ethnicity in North America and we’ve bought him out)

We were fortunate to have the loving support of our new friends in real life from blogland, L. and H. of babypants and the sweet  one of his moms and her lovely partner for this tearful-disappointing-fury-filled weekend.  I must mention too, the guilt my mulberry felt who is such a planner.  She couldn’t believe we had overlooked the fact that we no longer had samples for her at our doctor’s office.  I had to remind her that not only did they say they could get it to us, but they lied to us about the shipment, and then messed it up a second time in the same weekend!

X.y.t.e.x cannot give us back the weeks of nausea from bir.th contro.l,  the discomfort of injections and their bloating aftermath.  Nor can they  address the crushing disappointment of a wasted cycle –the lost  incredible hope my sweetheart had allowed herself for THIS cycle which we hoped would bring us a holiday present.  We can’t be reimbursed for  my getting up after five hours of sleep and a 14 hour day twice in row to get to the doctor’s office on time for our hope.  But I am preparing a list of the monetary costs of the drugs and expect them to reimburse us for them and maybe even the cost of the samples themselves.  I will post my letter in the coming days.  What else can I do short of taking them hostage John Q. style?  Insurance companies and cryobanks have moved two progressive peace-loving strategic pacifists into the realm of homicidal thoughts.

Have any of you ever used this cryobank and experience this level of incompetent service?


10 Responses

  1. I am so so sorry. It is so hard because you have such limited choices with the ethnicity. I only use small banks for more personalized care but I was only needing East Indian ethnicity which is not nearly as rare.

    I wish I could make things better or go backward. I am sending lots of soft light your way to heal the anger and pain you all must be in.

    Much much love my friends.

  2. Oh god, I really can’t tell you how disgusted and sorry I am for all you have been through! That is just unbelievable and I’m almost speechless, almost… what assholes! I think it would be a great idea to post your letter here so that the word can get around. I think there should be some accountability on their part.
    So so sorry.

  3. OMIGOD. I’m so very sorry that this happened to you. That really sucks. Can they or will they compensate you in any way? Money won’t make up for feelings of nausea and lost time but it can help. xo

  4. We had nearly the exact same experience with Xy*tex (right down to the legal paperwork problem) on our third cycle, which is why we moved all of our samples that we had purchased from them to a local bank (Columbus Cryobiology, which we loved). We are now using Midwest in Chicago, and their service and sample quality are amazing. We did not have any luck trying to get them to give us a refund. We really couldn’t even get an apology.

  5. I cannot even fathom the pain and frustration of what you two went through this past weekend. I am SO sorry. I have no experience with xytex but when I was using frozen I started at a Big Bank (Fairfax) and never liked them. Towards the end I switched to a smaller, more affordable bank (Northwest) and liked them MUCH better. Those big guns are just money machines and they really screw over their clients. I’m so sorry!

  6. I am horrified and angry for what has been done to you.

  7. Oh no. This was the worst I’ve heard. I’m so sorry this happened; I can’t imagine how you must feel. I really hope you are at least compensated and by all means name names of sperm banks with bad business standards so others are warned.
    I would even go report them to the Better Business Bureau and let them know you plan to do so.

  8. I’m so fuming mad for you and so, so sorry that the bank’s incompetence messed up this cycle for you. I think the letter is a fabulous idea and I can definitely understand feeling homicidal despite being a peace-loving pacifist.
    Hugs and hugs to you.

  9. I’m sorry for what you guys have been through. I can’t imagine how frustrating that must have been. Like some other posters, I started at a big bank– Fairfax– but later gladly traded their fancy profiles and even ID release donors for the personal service of a tiny regional bank. MUCH cheaper and the service was much better.

  10. that shit sucks! i’m so very sorry for your experience. i wanted to chime in and second the midwest sperm bank recommendation, as it is our bank of choice. at this point, i am forever grateful for their services.

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