no more waiting…

4 days early i got my period and a bfn… has never happened before and it totally unexpected, except perhaps for the migraine preamble…

so so so disappointed, soooooo disappointed. my doc says it happens sometimes that a luteal phase will be untypical. i will go in for blood work and the circus will begin again… for tonight, i am snuggled in bed finishing left over gf pizza and ice cream and getting pets from dakota and sitting with my sadness so as not to rush past it with plans…

did i mention that our day to go in to do our blood test was going to be day after thanksgiving, and one year to the date of my first diagnostic blood test at the RE’s office. we have officially been at this for one year. 3 iui’s and a ivf retrieval with dakota and 3 iui’s with me. dakota reminds me that this process can take awhile and that she can *see* me pregnant… i sit with my sadness and maybe later will be able to bask in her vision, but for now, sadness.



17 Responses

  1. I’m sending you a huge hug. That totally sucks. Take your time wallowing – it’s important.

  2. So sorry about the BFN. I have gotten my period early on my two injectables cycles as well. My doctor says the estrogen crashing can cause a withdraw bleed and that this would not happen if pregnancy occurred.

  3. Ug, that stinks. I hope the ice cream pizza and wallowing in bed is good.

  4. Damn. I’m sorry hon.
    Take some time and just be-pizza and ice cream sound just about right tonight.
    You’ll know what to do next.
    Thinking of you…

  5. I am so very sorry, just so very sorry. I want to remind you it truly is a pain in the ass stats thing so much with ici or iui or hetero sex. It is so hard when using interventions because we have to, to remember that they say it take at least a season or two usually to get pregnant under the most normal circumstances

    I only say this so you do NOT start the questioning your body thing. Cycles get strange and get shorter and longer under normal circumstances as well.

    I am sending lots of love your way.

  6. i’m ever so sorry too. sending hugs xx

  7. That just stinks. Grrrr. Thinking of you guys.

  8. I’m really sorry to hear this. An early period is just a slap in the face when you want this so bad. All I can say is ditto to what Bleu said. She is wise.

  9. It sucks, sorry.

  10. I am so sorry. It is never easy, but an eary period makes it all the more difficult. Hang in there.

  11. well, fu*k. I guess popcorn is not the secret. I hope you have a really restoritive time with this wallowing. I, and I know I am like you, would want to rush to the next plan. I think that sitting with the sadness is a really good idea.

  12. thank you all you beautiful kind souls… dakota and i feel wrapped in your big knowing hugs!

  13. That is NOT how this was supposed to end. That’s it, I’m throwing a tantrum on the floor for the both of us.


  14. oh fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
    I’m sorry

    that one-year marker hurts like a MOFO

  15. Fuck, that isn’t fair.

    Much love and hugs, wish I could offer more.


  16. Damn. That sucks! I know how the AF kind of disappointment feels. I feel your pain. xo

  17. I am so so so sorry. This sucks big time. Its so unfair. But Dakota is right– it can take a long time. Not that it makes it any easier. This sucks.

    it sucks, it sucks, it sucks…

    I am sitting here nursing my own sad heart… I wish you could share that pizza with me. I need some.


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