long time

wow, it has been SO long since i posted… i have been (well am still, since i am sitting in the oakland airport) in california.

the meetings i came out here to produce went very well, i had nice visits with my grandmother and sister on either end of the week of meetings, and i am REALLY glad to be going home to dakota, our roomie shenandoah and the little kitties, squint and trouble.

i am exhausted mentally, emotionally and physically…

i have been continuing to gain weight, nothing like stress to pack on the pounds… i am now 60 pounds over my comfortable weight… i am feeling fairly desperate (make that REALLY desperate) to get the weight off and when i get home, dakota, shenadoah and are all going to weight watchers. i know you can not diet while pregnant, and it is frowned upon while trying to get pregnant and i am feeling a bit panicked about what to do. for us, adding some exercise and eating well would actually be a significant change for us, so maybe just doing that (i say *just* like it were so easy) will help with the weight without anything drastic being introduced). is that safe??? is it safe to be reducing your weight even if it is slowly? while actively in the TTC process i have gained about 20 pounds – the other 40 came from previous stress and bad habits… all this weight gain and it can not even be blamed on the drugs since i have thus far had only the brief stint on clomid that got no response from my normally overly medicine sensitive bod.

on the meds front. dakota is feeling like the next step for us is for me to do a more medicated cycle… she is likely right… i could not do that cycle in october since i was away for half of it and had i taken meds i would have ovulated during the meetings/CA time – not to mention i would have likely been an emotional basketcase since meeting weeks are full of long, stress ridden, sleep deprived days as it is. since i did NOT take meds, i have not yet ovulated and will likely do so in the next couple of days. which would be great if we thought it was worth doing another NON-MEDICATED iui…

i talked with my mom on the phone about where we are in the process and she continues to be so lovely and such a support in the whole crazy quest… i know she wants to be a grandmother, but it is so clear that MOSTLY what she wants is for dakota and i to have what we want so badly. i know it is a momly way to be, but i also know it is not a given that any given mom will be that way.

well, it is time to get on the plane so i am gonna post this even though my thoughts are not yet complete… i have missed you all 🙂

— mulberry


11 Responses

  1. Thanks for the update. I don’t think it’s bad at all to eat healthier and exercise more before you get pregnant, though they say having a little extra “padding” beforehand is helpful 😉 Wishing you lots of luck still.

  2. How your fitness level affects fertility

    “Being overweight can hinder ovulation, and obesity has been linked to an increased risk of miscarriage and less success with fertility treatments. Since extra pounds can drive up your estrogen levels, reducing the secretion of FSH, which suppresses ovulation, losing five to 10 pounds can improve ovulation by lowering your estrogen hormone levels.”

    So…going with Strawberry above…I’d say go with exercise and eating healthy. There’s no better time to start something than right now.

  3. I’m so glad to hear your update – I was wondering how you and Dakota are doing. Congratulations on finishing a busy, stressful week of meetings – that sounds like madness and you must be so relieved it’s over!

    As for the weight loss, I’m a big proponent of doing what’s right for your body without a weight loss goal. I know that doesn’t work for everyone, but I’m so much happier when I’m running and eating my veggies to stay healthy not when I’m focused on weight loss. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with introducing exercise and healthy eating right now but I have read that it’s bad to drop significant weight quickly while you’re ttc. And I also think that the link between “obesity” and infertility is exaggerated like all stats on “obesity” are. I’m happy to yammer at length about this – I know I’m in the minority with this opinion.

    I’m looking forward to hearing more about your next month of trying. And it’s so wonderful that your mama is supportive.

    I hope you can relax soon after your crazy week!

  4. My RE liked you to be losing weight during the ttc process, not a huge diet but in a slight keitosis state which he said is good for egg growth quality.

    The thing is though this last couple years for the first time whenever I lost I gained back more so then it becomes LESS healthy to lose because it means eventual higher gain. It is all so hard.

  5. I was doing weight watchers when I got pregnant. I say take care of you in whatever way you can. This stuff takes so much out of you (us).

    Safe travels!

  6. I have missed your updates! Good to hear all is well… Its so important to have support from family as we embark on the TTCquest . And while you are right that it is a “momly” way to be, you are also right, that it is not a given. It is wonderful that you have that support from your mom. As for the WW thing, I think its totally fine to try and lose weight while TTC, and then once you get pregnant, you’ll just stop! When I got pregnant I was in the process of losing weight, and then because I was so sick, I ended up losing tons of weight anyway! I weighed less the day after I gave birth then the day I got pregnant! Crazy.

    Anyway, I am thrilled to see you back and send you lots of big hugs and ovulation vibes. I hope you can get an unmedicated cycle in soon! And I hope you have found the arms of your love once again! and your kitties and roomie… 🙂

  7. I think it’s safe so long as you’re not suddenly not eating or something. (And I somehow suspect you are my spirit sister and will not suddenly stop eating.)

  8. Sometimes I think you and I are the same person. 🙂 I could stand to lose about 40 – 25 of which I’ve gained while TTC. Trust me and be gentle on yourself – fertility drugs (and full fat dairy products) are not really weight loss aids. Healthy is good as long as it doesn’t turn into another reason to beat yourself up. Much love.

  9. I so happy you are back. I feel that you should really just do what is best for your mental health with weight loss. I think that infertility can be blamed on so many things I don’t think weight alone will make or break anything. I do think being as stress free as possible will help you. And I have heard it is really good to get your blood flow increased while trying to concieve. To that end do you want to meet in the park for walks? I would love to do that. I agree with in loco parentis… please don’t beat yourself up. xoxoxo L

  10. My honey recently lost a bunch of weight with WW. It isn’t so much a diet as just eating less and being more aware of what you eat. Just don’t do it if it is going to stress you out.

    Welcome home.

  11. I missed you, Mulberry! I know this is rather late, but I hope your time in SF was fabulous.

    I would just say that finding your own inner balance, in all aspects of your life, can only be healthy. When people speak of dieting, it is often not in moderation. I’d encourage you to explore healthy options in all respects, just don’t be too extreme and as inlocoparentis stated, it doesn’t cause additional stress.

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